he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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