Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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