how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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