xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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