There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
