i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
