just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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