I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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