Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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