Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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