Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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