youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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