i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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