New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I love you. Go after that dick
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize