My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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