so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
