Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
