Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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