i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
