How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
