There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
