Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Houston, we have a blender
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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