remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize