singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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