Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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