I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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