just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
