just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
