My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
