I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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