I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"