Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
