I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
