think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
