she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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