I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize