I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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