I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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