My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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