i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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