thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
