you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
