Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
