you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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