No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
