Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
