Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
