i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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