Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
