Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
