I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
